With the autumnal equinox marking the transition to longer nights, it seems appropriate to think about balance. But what is balance exactly? We’ve all heard phrases like “balanced reporting” and “work life balance,” but do they even apply to us?

I would argue that having balance–defined as being able to live our lives as we want and have healthy and supportive interactions–is important for our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. We are wired for connection, and we have seen over and over that we don’t do well without it (see Harry Harlow's 1950s studies on attachment in primates). But modern life can make connections difficult. Whether it’s because we’re working long hours or having friends scattered around the country, making face to face contact is challenging.

So what is a healthy balance? At its most basic, a healthy balance in our lives allows us to live the life we want with the freedom to do the things that bring fulfillment. It is not about hours worked or number of friends. It is about what allows each of us to live our lives as our authentic selves with people who respect and support our goals for our growth. When we are balanced, we are able to be productive in our professional lives and in our personal lives as well.

So how do we know when we are getting off balance? We may feel empty or more on edge. Or we may have trouble sleeping. We may find ourselves developing unhealthy habits such as stopping for drive through on the way home every night or devouring a pint of ice cream before bed. We may feel lonely. We may withdraw from our social contacts. We may find that we can’t enjoy things that used to bring us peace because we can’t let go of work or other worries.

And once we’re off balance it may seem like everything becomes harder. We’re tired, so we don’t work as efficiently meaning we may have to spend longer hours at work, which leads to greater frustration at not having down time, which in turn feeds into feelings of resentment and so on. It can be a tough cycle to break!

But each and every one of us has the ability to rebalance ourselves and put strategies into place so we can maintain our balance moving forward. First, we need to be compassionate to ourselves and to others that may be struggling. We are all human, and we are all going to have times that we struggle with creating the balanced life we want. Second, we need to forge connections with each other (remember we are wired for connection) that support our efforts to be our best selves. Third, we need to take care of ourselves and others. This includes taking care of our physical, mental, and emotional health as best we can and being willing to ask for help if we need it–and helping others when they ask as well. Finally, we need to look at simplifying our lives. It’s easy to take on a lot of extra things, believe me, I know. But if those extra tasks wear us down and prevent us from being our best selves, we need to ask ourselves are they worth it?

We are a community, and I believe that we have it in us to help each other. So my friends, my colleagues, my fellow humanists, if you are struggling to find or maintain balance in your life, know that you are not alone. If you know of someone who is struggling and are able, reach out to them and ask if you can help! Sometimes a few words of a kind gesture can have a lasting impact on another person’s life.